White people love newspaper subscriptions. Especially subscribing to major market newspapers from a major market other than the one they live in. I.e.: A New York Times subscriber who lives in Los Angeles, or a Washington Post subscriber living in New York city.
White people have been known to leave the newspaper on the driveway or stoop until well into the evening as a beacon to their whiteness. It’s a badge of superiority to have that New York Times blue plastic bag lying there, as is having your paper recycling pile topped off with a copy of the New York Times Book Review. At the dog run, scooping up your dog’s poop with a blue New York Times bag asserts your alpha-whiteness over another white person who’s using a simple black plastic bag. Only those white people who use a Whole Foods bag are on par with those using the New York Times bag. All other bag users are inferior.
White people subscribe to newspapers not to actually read them (though many have been know to), but to show neighbors and peers that they are enlightened. Keeping one folded under your arm as you commute via mass transit is an ideal way to assert whiteness. New media is great, but nothing appeals to a white person’s sense of intellect and vintage chic quite as much as a physical newspaper; it’s a two bird killing stone. Sure, you look cool and connected when you bring your MacBook to the coffee house, but whip open a copy of the London Times and you are suddenly whiter-than-thou. Even if you’re just doing their Sudoku, perhaps especially so.
Flipping through a copy of The Economist (okay a magazine, but its editors refer to it as a newspaper) on the L trail to/from Williamsburg/Greenpoint tells other white people that you don’t tow the white party line 100%, and thus this minor act of subversion makes you even more of a white person. Reading The Nation is simply too white-trite these days.
Having a newspaper on their person or on their driveway/stoop is a distinctive trait of the white person. It simply telegraphs whiteness.
